Anxious & lost

This morning I delivered my cat Poppy to the vets for her long-awaited operation to have her thyroid removed. As a responsible owner, you know you're doing the right thing in the long run, but still can't help feeling the guilt at leaving her there. Poor thing - she must be so frightened.
She's gotta stay overnight too, and she's bound to feel she's been abandoned. At this moment I feel empty because she's not here in the house and anxious for everything to go according to plan. It's almost 5 hours until I can ring and find out how the op went...I don't like wishing time away but 3 0'clock can't come soon enough.

Update 10:45. The vet just called with some distressing news. The routine pre-op blood test results show that Poppy has early signs of kidney failure. They can't tell whether it'll be a long term condition or whether the disease could progress quickly. However, if they operate, the kidney problem will worsen or even lead to complete failure. One alternative is to put her on a drip for today to ensure the kidneys are getting enough fluids and then operate tomorrow; the vet is going going to discuss the matter further with his colleagues and ring me back within the next hour. This is so not the news I was expecting and I'm now feeling quite dreadful.

Update 12:00. The vet thinks it best not to go ahead with the op and to send Poppy home on a new diet which may help her kidneys. Then to have a further blood test in 3 weeks time to see if there is any change. So I'm off to get her now.

Update: 12:30. My baby's home, bless her - what must she be thinking? I have two types of special food to try on her. I put half a bowl down (it stinks by the way) and she ate a fair bit, probably because she hasn't eaten since 7pm yesterday.

Update: 18:00. Poppy wasn't really interested in the food this evening, which is worrying. She ate a little and then went to sleep upstairs. She came down a little bit later and I gave her some tinned tuna just so that she had something in her stomach. I'll try her with some more of the special stuff tomorrow. The trouble is, I have to continue giving her the tyroid tablets which I usually insert into a morsel of food, but the special stuff is in such small pieces, that's impossible. If I crush the tablets, I've gotta make sure she eats all the food. It's gonna be tough ride. I don't even wanna think about the possibility of her condition deteriorating and then losing her. :-(

A night of sophistication

Last night, in the company of John and my Mum, I attended my first ever ballet: Romeo and Juliet at the Cliffs Pavilion, performed by the Russian State Ballet of Siberia. I always said that everyone should see a ballet and an opera at least once in your life - you may not like it but it's an experience. It was such a shame though, because the theatre was half empty and obviously lacked an atmosphere.

The costumes were bright and colourful, the dancing was good but some of the scenes in the first half left us baffled as to what was going on, for instance, which performers belonged to the Capulets and which to the Montagues. We had a bit of a giggle about it in the interval, particularly about the male dancer who appeared to be somewhat of a gay interest towards Romeo????!!! and also the dancer who looked like she was wearing a bagle on her head!!! The most moving part of the first half was undoubtedly when Romeo and Juliet fell in love and I must admit I did get swept away by the passion and beautiful dancing between the two of them. See - I'm an old romantic at heart! I was excited too, because Romeo and Juliet features my most favourite piece of classical music: Prokofiev's 'Montagues and Capulets'. I couldn't help moving my feet when the orchestra played that but John had to stop me because all the seats were joined together and so I was jerking everyone around me!

In the second half it was easier to follow the interpretation of the dancing; it was quite sombre in places as there were four tragedies in total and the image of death was everywhere. There was still what I call a funny part for me when the 'gay' guy came flying onto the stage wearing a large red bra and a flowing skirt. Then there was a fight over the bra and this lead to someone getting stabbed! Anyone reading this must think ' what a complete ignoramous' but I don't care!! Most people probably know how Romeo and Juliet ends so at least I understood that part! The end scene where there are both lying dead together with the image of their spirits still dancing in heaven was quite moving.

Sadly, with the lack of audience, the applause sounded half dead and I felt sorry for the performers. Hopefully they'll have a full house tonight.

Health update

Well I eventually went back to the docs a week ago because I couldn't stand feeling crap any longer. He was gonna write out yet another presciption after being in the room 30 seconds, so I questioned him. Seems the doc I saw last time misinterpreted my symptoms and so prescribed anti biotics for a urinary infection that wasn't there! Hmmm...is anyone listening to me? The burning and cramping left this doc baffled as well and so booked an appointment for me to have a swab taken to check for any infections in my lower abdomen. This I did the following Monday.
The results were in by Friday but these showed negative signs of any problems. The doc suggested IBS which basically means they haven't a clue what's wrong! I queried whether it could be another symptom of my back problem to which she said 'yes it could be'. I ask myself, 'is there any expertise in the NHS any more?'. I am so wanting to go private and I'm sure the expense must be worth it. So that's that. I just have to assume it IS my back.

Thursday I had to attend a medical assessment in Kent at the request of Occupational Health. Not a trip I was looking forward to as I'd been in bed with a sickness bug the previous two days and still wasn't feeling particularly great. John drove me, poor thing, he wasn't feeling great either. The private hospital was set in beautiful countryside near Sevenoaks and the building itself was an old manor house. Very nice - wouldn't mind being treated there! I saw a very pleasant chap and had to fill out a questionnaire, tell him the history of my back problem and then take part in some tests to assess my mobility, strength, grip etc.

Yesterday, after the docs appointment, I went into work as a representative of Posturite (the chair manufacturer) was coming to re-assess my desk and adjust the chair's position if necessary. It was nice to see everyone, although half of the team are new additions since I've been signed off. Just that morning caused quite a bit of pain in my back and driving my car is still a major factor. I couldn't wait to get back home to my comfy armchair! I'm extremely sceptical about managing my rehab back to work - at the moment I just don't feel like I'm destined ever to work at a desk again or to drive normally either. It's so frustrating.

A Good Day

Had a smashing day yesterday at the footie despite a dream the night before that involved me going to a kids' birthday party round my Mum's house & forgetting all about the match! It got even weirder after that so I won't go into the details for fear of being certified! Anyway, John and me met up with my mate Debs and her hubby Mick in Whites (Spurs members bar) two hours before kick off. It was so nice to see her and we had a good giggle.

The match against Blackburn was a crucial one as they would take our 4th spot if they beat us. Spurs gave us the usual heart failure moments but the boys came out victors 3-2 in the end and a valuable 3 points it was.

NB. Still above the Gooners!

I'm back!!!

Been fed up the past few weeks and I suppose I've been letting things bother me too much. I hate that I am so unconfident and I get nervous about any little thing. I've had these weird symptoms in my lower abdomen including very hot skin - I went to the doctor and as usual (it seems) she was puzzled. She "guessed" at a urinary infection despite nothing being wrong with my water! I was prescribed anti-biotics which unsurprisingly didn't work. I still have the symptons, albeit not quite as bad as before. Just the thought of going to the docs again is getting me all worked up. Seems I've been n and out of there what with my back problems as well. I've been worrying about other situations as well, including my cat. I'm getting annoyed with my vets practice as they keep wanting blood tests and keep changing the dosage of tablets she is taking but all I want to do is have the thyroid taken out. It gives me the impression they are taking me for a ride to get more money out of me. I hate confrontation, and I've already had arguments with the receptionist there and again, I get all worked up thinking about having to speak to the vet. It's so silly I know. I wish I was like my partner John as nothing phases him.
I've also got to go to Dartford to have a medical assessment on 16th March - thankfully John has agreed to drive me there, otherwise I'd be fretting about that too. Then there's returning to work which after 4 months is a bit daunting, with the added worry that my back problems will reoccur as badly as before.

I woke up yesterday morning determined to be positive - it really helped that it was bright sunny day and I decided to get out of the house and go for a walk. Despite being bracingly cold in spots, I had a good walk around Gunners Park and felt better for it. I think being in the house day after day after day is doing me no good at all and I will try and motivate myself to get out every day, even if it's only for half an hour. Today I drove down to Shoebury East Beach and took my camera. I love photography and I enjoyed wandering around taking pictures of boats sitting on the mud; with the sunlight trying to peep through the clouds, the sheen across the mud was a pleasant sight. I'll go and load the pics onto the computer once I've finished here.
I am also determined that each day I give myself a variety of things to do. Too many times I end up plonked in the armchair in a veggie state watching the telly or using my laptop. I'm looking forward to Sunday coz I'm going to the footie and will meet up with my friend Debs. Right now, I'm off to re-pot a plant and then have a session on the treadmill.