Anxious & lost

This morning I delivered my cat Poppy to the vets for her long-awaited operation to have her thyroid removed. As a responsible owner, you know you're doing the right thing in the long run, but still can't help feeling the guilt at leaving her there. Poor thing - she must be so frightened.
She's gotta stay overnight too, and she's bound to feel she's been abandoned. At this moment I feel empty because she's not here in the house and anxious for everything to go according to plan. It's almost 5 hours until I can ring and find out how the op went...I don't like wishing time away but 3 0'clock can't come soon enough.

Update 10:45. The vet just called with some distressing news. The routine pre-op blood test results show that Poppy has early signs of kidney failure. They can't tell whether it'll be a long term condition or whether the disease could progress quickly. However, if they operate, the kidney problem will worsen or even lead to complete failure. One alternative is to put her on a drip for today to ensure the kidneys are getting enough fluids and then operate tomorrow; the vet is going going to discuss the matter further with his colleagues and ring me back within the next hour. This is so not the news I was expecting and I'm now feeling quite dreadful.

Update 12:00. The vet thinks it best not to go ahead with the op and to send Poppy home on a new diet which may help her kidneys. Then to have a further blood test in 3 weeks time to see if there is any change. So I'm off to get her now.

Update: 12:30. My baby's home, bless her - what must she be thinking? I have two types of special food to try on her. I put half a bowl down (it stinks by the way) and she ate a fair bit, probably because she hasn't eaten since 7pm yesterday.

Update: 18:00. Poppy wasn't really interested in the food this evening, which is worrying. She ate a little and then went to sleep upstairs. She came down a little bit later and I gave her some tinned tuna just so that she had something in her stomach. I'll try her with some more of the special stuff tomorrow. The trouble is, I have to continue giving her the tyroid tablets which I usually insert into a morsel of food, but the special stuff is in such small pieces, that's impossible. If I crush the tablets, I've gotta make sure she eats all the food. It's gonna be tough ride. I don't even wanna think about the possibility of her condition deteriorating and then losing her. :-(